Irresolutions for 2016

Some people are sincere in making New Years resolutions, but I’m not one of them. Instead, I’ve decided to post a list of my irresolutions: things I’m determined NOT to do this year.

Ready? Here goes.

I’m determined NOT to…

  • Stop making up words when a good one isn’t readily available (irresolution is a real word, but it doesn’t exactly mean the same as “negative resolution”)
  • Quit eating as much chocolate as my diet and blood sugar readings make possible
  • Quit being friendly not just to my fellow walkers at the mall, but to the custodians and security guards as well
  • Fail to yell at the cat when he springboards off my lap and leaves new claw holes in my jeans–and sometimes in me as well
  • Stop squirting water at the dog when she won’t quit barking
  • Trade my car in for a motorcycle…or even just a scooter
  • Start riding my bicycle to the grocery store for little items
  • Stop doing the nursing home ministry just because I might become a resident there one of these years
  • Stop doing the household laundry–lights on Thursday, darks on Friday, and mixing the two up however it pleases me
  • Quit getting up when my wife does to show my appreciation for her continuing to go to work while I enjoy retirement
  • Stop sticking out my tongue every time I see a picture of Hillary Clinton looking smug and unfriendly
  • Stop laughing at Hillary Clinton every time she claims to have accomplished something other than putting up with Bill’s shenanigans
  • Give up my daily Bible readings just because I’m in Ecclesiastes now
  • Stop praying for God’s Holy Spirit to do a number on Mr. Obama and turn him into the person he could be (that’s a super-serious one)
  • Quit eating a low-fat hot dog almost every day for lunch
  • Stop supplementing my daily water intake with skim milk, juice, and a Sonic diet cherry limeade, which is also caffeine-free
  • Give up on getting my collapsible walking pole to tighten properly
  • Start feeling like an old man just because I’ll turn seventy this year
  • Start acting like an old man just because I’ll turn seventy this year
  • Quit thanking God for my weaknesses because they make me more dependent on His strength
  • Stop trying to come up with better blog topics

I’m sure I could go on and on with this list, but I have to commend you if you’ve actually read the whole list.

But what about you? What are you NOT going to do this year? How about leaving a comment? Be funny or serious.


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Best regards,