Irresolutions for 2016

Some people are sincere in making New Years resolutions, but I’m not one of them. Instead, I’ve decided to post a list of my irresolutions: things I’m determined NOT to do this year.

Ready? Here goes.

I’m determined NOT to…

  • Stop making up words when a good one isn’t readily available (irresolution is a real word, but it doesn’t exactly mean the same as “negative resolution”)
  • Quit eating as much chocolate as my diet and blood sugar readings make possible
  • Quit being friendly not just to my fellow walkers at the mall, but to the custodians and security guards as well
  • Fail to yell at the cat when he springboards off my lap and leaves new claw holes in my jeans–and sometimes in me as well
  • Stop squirting water at the dog when she won’t quit barking
  • Trade my car in for a motorcycle…or even just a scooter
  • Start riding my bicycle to the grocery store for little items
  • Stop doing the nursing home ministry just because I might become a resident there one of these years
  • Stop doing the household laundry–lights on Thursday, darks on Friday, and mixing the two up however it pleases me
  • Quit getting up when my wife does to show my appreciation for her continuing to go to work while I enjoy retirement
  • Stop sticking out my tongue every time I see a picture of Hillary Clinton looking smug and unfriendly
  • Stop laughing at Hillary Clinton every time she claims to have accomplished something other than putting up with Bill’s shenanigans
  • Give up my daily Bible readings just because I’m in Ecclesiastes now
  • Stop praying for God’s Holy Spirit to do a number on Mr. Obama and turn him into the person he could be (that’s a super-serious one)
  • Quit eating a low-fat hot dog almost every day for lunch
  • Stop supplementing my daily water intake with skim milk, juice, and a Sonic diet cherry limeade, which is also caffeine-free
  • Give up on getting my collapsible walking pole to tighten properly
  • Start feeling like an old man just because I’ll turn seventy this year
  • Start acting like an old man just because I’ll turn seventy this year
  • Quit thanking God for my weaknesses because they make me more dependent on His strength
  • Stop trying to come up with better blog topics

I’m sure I could go on and on with this list, but I have to commend you if you’ve actually read the whole list.

But what about you? What are you NOT going to do this year? How about leaving a comment? Be funny or serious.


Links you might be interested in:Some

I’ll be back again on Wednesday. If you’d like to receive my posts by email, go to “Follow Blog via Email” at the upper right.

Best regards,

2 thoughts on “Irresolutions for 2016

  1. This is easy: I am resolutely determined not to:;

    1) give up dark chocolate even if it kills me
    2) think my oven is a milk cow giving birth
    3) exercise like I mean it
    4) portray Hilary as a decent human being
    5) stop reading this blog
    6) blow dry the great lakes
    7) think about illegal aliens from other planets or from other countries
    8) eat my ice cream with a front-end loader
    9) jump down, turn around, pick a pail of cotton
    the list is as infinite as my mind is catatonic…


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